Since you've been gone
by thatslightlyawkwardfangirl
Summary: Tobias is struggling to cope without Tris. He thinks the only way forward is to shut her and anyone reminding him of her out. Will he learn to accept help from those who love him. My first so feedback wanted. I do not own divergent.
1. Chapter 1

"I missed you Tris, I - I felt empty without you. "  
"Shh Tobias. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. "  
Tobias looked into her reassuring eyes and took her hand; a few minutes past, they stayed just like that. Just holding her hand - feeling her delicate fingers laced between his. He stared at her for a while, trying to memorise the plains of her face. Every line and every crease. Every scar that represented what they had been through. Then his eyes drifted down to her collar bone - they rested on the three birds that represented her family. Two deaths and one traitor.  
"Never leave me again. Promise? "  
"Promise. "  
Tobias woke up. He shuddered with cold. He was lying on his bed, in his old room, in what used to be the Abnegation sector of the city. His sheets were pushed in a heap at the end of his bed and when he tried to lift his head up, the sweat soaked pillow case stuck to the back of his neck. This happened every night - she always entered his dreams. Sometimes she would yell and scream at him, telling him that she would never forgive what he did to Uriah. How he abandoned him and betrayed Zeke. Other times she would run towards him and tell Tobias that she loved him and was sorry for leaving. For sacrificing herself for her brother. Brother, Tobias thought the word with disgust. Caleb was no brother to Tris. He was a traitor. No. Tobias couldn't forgive Caleb. Tobias didn't have Tris' forgiving nature - to him, Caleb would always be a traitor. That was final.  
Tobias rolled out of bed and changed into Abnegation grey. Even though there were no factions anymore, today Tobias wanted to lose himself. Sometimes, he thought to himself, the Abnegation had the right idea. Forget about yourself, let people forget about you. Be selfless. Be brave , Tobias added to himself.  
"Be brave Tris, be brave, " his voice was hoarse, and barely audible. He subconsciously touched the back of his neck with his hand. After the war, Tobias had got a tattoo of one bird. To represent the love he had lost.  
There was a knock on the door, and before Tobias could answer, the door swung open. In marched Christina, dressed in Candor black and white with grey Abnegation shoes.  
"Oh good, you're awake. I thought I was going to have to wake you. "  
"Leave me alone, " I muttered.  
"Come on Four, It's been over a year, " her voice softened, "I know what your going through, I really do. But Tris wouldn't have wanted this. "  
"I-I just can't let her go, not yet."  
"I'm not saying forget about her, I'm saying live. She gave her life for you - for all of us. The least you could do is live your life in honour of hers. Make her sacrifice worth something." She stared up at me, her brown eyes beginning me to understand. "Four - Tobias, all you've managed is to shut yourself off from the rest of us. We can't help you if you don't let us in. "  
She turned then to walk off. But she hesitated, "Believe me, I know what it is like to shut people out. " With that she walked out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Tobias sat on his bed, his head resting in his hands, as he tried to process what Christina had just said to him. Deep down, he knew she was right. It was just - he was Four. He didn't need help. No. He could get through this alone.  
With that he walked out the door and downstairs. He was surprised to see that it was already 3 in the afternoon. Christina was waiting for him downstairs, looking a bit out of place in the bare, Abnegation room.  
She smiled, "I knew you would come round, it's what Tris would've -"  
Tobias stopped her, "Don't talk about Tris - please. I need to move on.  
Her smile faltered, but before she could question him, he said, "Come on, we need to find Marcus. "

As they walked through the ruined streets in the Abnegation sector, they could see small groups of people (none of them dressed in a particular faction colour), assessing the damage. Even though Abnegation was targeted first by the Erudite, it had got off lightly compared to the damage done in both the Erudite and Candor sectors of the city. Chicago is in tatters, Tobias thought, and we have caused it.

They walked towards the Erudite headquarters, where Marcus had set up his base. As they walked in the main doors, Tobias saw that both the library and the research labs were nearly fully restored. However, he knew that the decades of research were lost forever. Safe from the death serum for another 50 years - he thought to himself. As they walked up the endless flights of stairs, Christina turned off to find Will's elder sister. Will's death had brought the two girls together as friends and they had become quite close. Tobias carried on up to the top floor. Before knocking on the door that would take him into Marcus' office, he took a deep breath. That man still scared him, even after all that had happened since. And Tobias hated him for it.

Going to see Marcus was the only way Tobias could think of to distract himself from Tris. As soon as he thought this, Tobias immediately felt guilty. But it was the only way that he knew to let go. After all, it had worked before with Evelyn. Filling himself with fake confidence, Tobias knocked on the door.  
"Come in, " a gruff, bear-like voice growled.  
Even the sound of Marcus' voice filled him with dread. No, he reminded himself, I am not scared of him anymore. Tobias walked in slowly and started straight up at Marcus' eyes. Inside, he breathed a sigh of relief that they were normal grey eyes and not the swirling black pits of his fear landscape.

Before Marcus could continue, Tobias stopped him by saying, "Marcus, I want the position of trainer of the New Chicago army. "  
"Tobias, are you sure about this. Of course I would give you the position, but when I offered it to you a few months ago you refused. Saying that Tris - before she, well - anyway she had said to you that she didn't want you getting involved and getting in more danger. "

"Tris is gone. I can't keep living my life in her shadow. " Tobias was shaking, his hands clenched into fists so tight that when he released them, there was blood where his nails had been.  
Marcus sighed, he pitied his son. "Fine, you start tomorrow at the old Dauntless headquarters. I think your making a bad decision "  
"What would you know about bad decisions, " Tobias replied bitterly. He left the room, slamming the door behind him.

He didn't wait for Christina. Instead, he marched out of Erudite headquarters. Back through the library, where the shredded portrait of Jeanine still hung. As soon as he was out the door he started running towards the fence. He planned to take an Amity truck outside the fence. Eventually his breathing slowed and he managed to lose himself in the pounding of his feet against the hard ground. Each footstep drove away all thoughts of guilt about Tris.

But you can't run forever.


End file.
